Why I’m doing this now

Not advice, just a reflection.

For a long time, my work was defined by urgency. Decisions that mattered, timelines that compressed, consequences that were real. Military work does that, running a business reinforced it. You get used to being needed, to being relied on, to being the person who steps in when something is stuck or goes wrong.

That work has gravity, pulling everything inwards. Even reflection becomes instrumental. Done in service of the next decision, the next move, the next outcome.

Stepping away has been much harder than I expected.

I have taken a few months to contemplate. Amongst other things, travelling the US, UK and France. Alone for the first time that I can recall, perhaps reminiscent of the 1970’s journeys taken by so many to “find themselves’ (not young army officers I hasten to add).  Maybe not fully reminiscent. I travelled better, ate better and stayed in better places, and I still don’t do drugs.  Perhaps more on that journey later. Still, I did think about life, and my place in it going forward.

I don’t really miss the minutiae of running a business, though I do miss the good work and I certainly miss being 35. I was fortunate across two careers to do extraordinary things with capable people, often under pressure and often where the stakes were high. It was exhilarating and purposeful.

What I find hardest is stepping away from the identity that comes with that work.

When you are busy, productive, responsible for outcomes, the world reflects that back. There is a clarity, you know who you are because you know what you are doing. When that stops, or slows, there is a gap. Fewer urgent calls. Fewer problems that are clearly yours to solve.

It is replaced with a quiet, and an ambiguity.

I am also fortunate to have the privilege of choice. I could stop. Many, quite reasonably, do. I tried it, and it didn’t sit well.

I don’t need to build another business, employ more people, or generate status and wealth. I am comfortable and safe, but I do need to feel fulfilled. To satisfy curiosity, to learn every day, to give and lead, to mentor and to contribute. I’ve been successful but not without my share of mistakes, and missteps I should have avoided. I have experienced a lot, learned a lot, and it would be a shame to waste it.

So, I have stood up JayG Insights. Just me and a helper of two. I have thoughts on how we might deliver better outcomes, with the experience to back it and now the time to research it.

I’ve included this space, Reflections, because I want to be less formal. To share the next journey, and thoughts on the last. To offer what I’m thinking, while I’m thinking it. Raw. Not packaged and distilled insights and lessons ready for consumption with the objective of generating business. I’m more interested in generating thoughtful debate.

I didn’t want the next phase to default to either silence or self-promotion. This feels more honest.

Some of what appears here will be about leadership, responsibility, systems, failure because those questions are still interesting and unresolved. Some of it, though, will be about things that have no obvious instrumental value, about changing my mind or noticing, or about something I once believed with great confidence that now feels incomplete.

There will be rough edges and unfinished thoughts. Posts that feel more like notes than essays. It’s intentional.

Experience doesn’t automatically produce good judgement. If it did, we’d see a lot more of it around us. Reflection helps, but only if it’s done honestly and without too much concern for how it looks.

I’ve spent much of my working life helping organisations and leaders think more clearly about what they are doing and why. That is still part of my portfolio of activity and other parts of the JayG site address it. This section is about the thinking that sits behind and alongside it.

There’s also something else going on, which I have yet to come to grips with. At this stage of life and career, you’re often expected to consolidate, to become more cautious, more predictable. There’s a quiet social script that says: you’ve done your interesting work, now maintain it.

I find myself doing the opposite. Exploring things I have never needed before, in areas that make no sense on a CV. Using tools and technologies that didn’t exist for most of my career. Building things poorly, experimentally, with no immediate payoff.

It looks a bit eccentric from the outside but feels necessary from the inside.

I don’t know where this journey is going, not that is anything new. None of my adventures had a real plan, or they wouldn’t be adventures!  This time, though I’m not working toward a neat outcome or a new label. What I do know is that I’m not finished contributing. I am, however, finished performing.

I’m curious to see where it goes and you’re welcome to join me on the journey.